My friends took me to Brighton for my birthday treat last week, and whilst there we stupidly decided to go ice skating. One friend who is an accomplished ballet dancer, who despite telling us “I’ll be crap” managed to go all Torvil and Dean on our asses. The other, after a shaky start got to grips with it and was off dancing to Katie Perry.

Me, well I clung hopelessly to the railings, crying and begging to be told the hour skating was up. This caused much amusement to the point, photos of my shame are regularly sent on our WhatsApp group when someone is feeling shitty or low.

So yeah I went there. I went full retard much to the continued amusement of my friends and everyone in the office, street, pub, tube…