Sometimes I just don’t eat.

I’ll go a whole day without eating and then realise suddenly at 9pm that I didn’t eat. Sometimes its intentional, sometimes not.

As much as I eat my feelings, I also don’t eat my feelings. I starve myself as punishment for feeling like shit. I’ve been doing it for several years but I wouldn’t say I have an eating problem. I have a stupid brain problem.

I remember being 12/13 and being skinny as fuck. You could see my collarbone and my face was gaunt. Clearly now I eat my feelings more then I don’t as I’m big as fuck.

The only thing that stops me going back to being really skinny is two pictures I have of myself. I look ill, I look sadder then I do now. You can see my bones and it makes me sick to my stomach.