Haters gonna hate

So I recently found out that people I thought were my friends have been talking shit about me behind my back. They’ve consumed HIS lies and made them into the truth he wants to tell.

I was angry at first, and wanted to call these people out in public. I’ve already been told I’m crazy by I and this girl refuses to let anyone else believe HIS crap. I searched for an inspiring quote to sum up my feelings and stumbled across this gem:

If you did not see it with your own eyes or hear it with your own ears, don’t invent it with your small mind & share it with your big mouth

I am the first to freely admit I am a dick. I will call you out in public for being a cunt, I will run my mouth off if I feel necessary and I am pretty much guaranteed to make you feel uncomfortable at some point in our relationship. But what a lot of people don’t realise is that I am extremely loyal to those I trust and care about, I would give you the last change in my purse if I thought it would help you out and I will protect you from harm if the need arises. I will worry for you and I will cry about you and your problems when you are not here. I will make your problems my problems and I will fight to the death for you if I had to.

I’ve spent a lot of my life being scared of people and places. I’ve been bullied most of my life by others, and have on more then one occasion let people walk all over me to satisfy their needs. I have given up dreams of higher education, I’ve not gone to certain events or places because of others, I didn’t have children earlier because of HIM who told me constantly “We will discuss this properly” but would always find an excuse when I brought it up again. I struggled for 10 years to get someone to make even a slight commitment to me, and ended up being physically and mentally abused by them.

I know that HE now swans around like his shit doesn’t stink. I know HE has another girlfriend (I was treated to smelling her cheap perfume in my flat, despite us agreeing that we wouldn’t bring over people back whilst we still lived together). I know HE has manipulated other people into thinking I am the bastard. I know these things and it makes me hate HIM more.

HE asked me to stay friends with me, then threw a book at me when we next argued and slow clapped as I cried. HE told me he loved me and in the next instance told me I had stopped HIM from being happy. HE lied to my face and so did others, people I thought I could respect. HE also told me “If you find someone new, I hope you treat them better then you did me!” HE told me HE was £7k in debt because of me, yet found the money for a new xbox.

I hate HIM, yet I pity him at the same time. I thought I was insecure, but I’ve slowly started to realise what a sly, sad and lonely man HE is.

I hope one day HE reads this all (maybe HE already has) and realises what an idiot HE is. I hope the HE wakes up one day on HIS death bed and realises HE has no one there with HIM because HE has used and abused HIS way to so called happiness. I hope HE finally admits HE was wrong.

What I hope for most is that this new girl and subsequent ones don’t fall into the same stupor that I did. I hope they don’t get hurt the way I did. I hope they forever chase their dreams and don’t get bogged down in HIS problems. Maybe I hope that HE will change and be the person I thought HE was going to be with me.

I also hope for peace for myself. I want to walk away from HIM and those who have bad mouthed me with my head held high. As my mother said to me “If people will talk shit about you behind your back, they aren’t the kind of friends that you want in your life” and she’s right. I’ve always said and I’ve even told HIM – I would rather count my friends on one hand, then be surrounded by people who will step on you to get to the top at the first opportunity.

So to all you haters out there continue all you like. I have some home truths for you about HIM and you, and as you know I have a big mouth and I like to run it off in public. Let’s hope the next time we meet I don’t get the opportunity to put you in your place!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s