I woke up with a hurty shoulder today (yes that is the correct medical term!) and then suffered throughout the whole day complaining to anyone who would listen. Then my friend came to the rescue with muscle rub and the offer of drugs.
So having taken the muscle rub home and now attempting to apply it, I realised its really fucking hard to do on your own. Then I realised, shit before I would have someone who could do this for me. Then I started thinking about all the things I hate about being single. Finally because I’m a narcissist, I wrote them down.
- Someone to help you put muscle rub on your hurty shoulders – slapping yourself like an idiot isn’t comforting when you hurt.
- Being sick and having to drag yourself out of bed to go and get drugs. Having to change into clean clothes and brushing you hair so you look vaguely normal is not what you want to do when you are sweating like a rapist.
- Having no one to give you a cuddle when you feel like crap/have had a bad day/watching trash movies in bed. Sometimes a king size bed is very lonely for one.
- Coming home and having to cook and buy food for one. Morrisons is like a slap in the face of couples planning their weekly menu whilst holding hands by the pesto.
- Having no one to talk to bar the cats. Don’t get me wrong I can have full blown conversations with the cats, but it gets a bit sad when they don’t reply and you get the feeling your neighbours think you are mental.
- Doing up a dress for work in the morning – made twice as hard when you have to bend yourself in ways you can’t, just to get work ready.
- Picking home furnishing on your own. No one to tell you that bird curtains are a bit out there is ace because you get what you want, but sometimes you just want a second opinion.
- No one to tell you look pretty in the morning as you have a shit fit trying to find something work suitable to wear.
- Having no one near you that can quote Shaun of the Dead at you to cheer you up when today has been shit.
- And finally, just getting on a train, in a shop, tube, street or anywhere and realising you are going home to no one. That’s when it hurts the most.
So for now, I’ll make do with two cats who I will force my cuddles, cooking and film quotes on. Oh and attempting to slap muscle rub on like someone having a fit.