I never used to think much about what a new year meant – out with the old and in with the new, but now this resonates more strongly. I look back over my last year and realise how much I’ve changed and grown. Not only have I dyed my hair dark, worn every colour man has ever made, but I’ve grown in heart, wisdom and strength.
Thank you to all the strangers who I now call my friends and goodbye to my friends and lovers who are now strangers to me. It’s amazing how a significant event in your life can reshape your focus and plans. It was scary at first when it happened, and I tore myself to pieces over it. Now I look back and think little of it. I still feel the pain, when I am reminded of a happy (or at least in my brain perceived happy) memory or see an object that links to Him, but remind myself those two minutes of joy where crushed under many years of hate and I almost crumbled to dust under him.
I feel more like myself now. I am too honest, I no longer hold back for fear of being out of line and I no longer let the little things get to me. I don’t check myself before I speak or worry if what I say will be misconstrued to be an insult. I don’t feel guilty when I don’t make an effort with my appearance, I eat what I want and watch what I want. I get up out of bed on a Saturday and clean without fear that someone will moan at me. I have two cats who I adore like the children that I wasn’t allowed.
I am free.