We all hurt each other at some point. Sometimes we do it without thinking, sometimes its by saying something cruel in a throw away comment, sometimes we do it to be the bigger person.
Last year I was spat at, held down, mentally and physically abused, had food thrown at me and my things, kicked, told I was stupid, told I was a cunt, told that I had brought this upon myself, told that I wasn’t loved all by one person. The person that I thought loved me more then anything else, the person I gave twelve years of my life to, the person I told my deepest and darkest fears and hope to.
Some of these things had happened before, I’m not proud of myself for staying. I loved this person with every inch of my skin and didn’t want to let them go. I thought love was allowing someone to dictate your life, I thought love was letting that person grind you down into something you detest.
I can’t say hand on heart that I didn’t fight back. I’ve kicked and slapped and said nasty words. But I never once did it to get the upper hand, I only did this when I felt too backed into a corner. I did it to fight back into the light, to prove to this other person that I wasn’t so easily manipulated. But last year I couldn’t do it anymore. I took the punishments, I let them do what they wanted. Sure, I still fought when I had the energy, but I became weaker and weaker. I sat and cried whilst they ranted in my face. I calmly picked up food from my bed after they threw it on there. I held my cat close and cried into her fur, whilst he played angry video games in the next room.
I even let this person tell me that no one liked me. I believed that my friends weren’t my friends. I let them chip away at me. I let them make me angry. I let them turn me into a bitch. I let them win.
The way we hurt each other leaves a mark on that persons skin. That mark burrows in deep, it runs through their veins and it surfaces when you least expect it. The way we hurt each other makes them into a monster, just like the monster we are for hurting them in the first place.